Feels Like Home
Pairing: Kyle/Diane
Rating: PG
Word
Count: 995
Archive: At my site, The Band Gazebo
Notes: For the LiveJournal Writer’s
Summary: For the first time, Diane feels like she’s home.
Every time Diane comes back to
That’s how she knows she’s home.
It’s been a long time since she’s been
home, too long she knows, but this time, everything has changed. Not on the
surface;
But she’s not.
This is the first time she’s come home that her mother hasn’t greeted her at the door with a smile and a hug, hasn’t dragged her into a kitchen filled with home cooked smells, pouring out a cup of coffee, muttering something about feeding her up, because she’s far too thin. This is the first time that she ever remembers the house being so quiet, full of whispers and choked sobs, the first time that she feels like a stranger in her own life.
It’s home, but it doesn’t feel like home any more.
It feels like nothing makes sense, like the only piece of sanity in her life is sitting right here on the beach beside her. Kyle’s arm is around her, her head resting on his shoulder, and she doesn’t know what she’d do without him.
Despite the August sun, the blue sky, she’s cold, hasn’t been warm since she got the call that turned her life upside down, and she finds herself pressing closer against his warmth. He draws her closer, sliding his other arm around her, even as he pulls back slightly, looking down at her. “You ok?” he asks, and she doesn’t know how to answer that.
“I keep expecting to see her,” she says quietly, because how many times and she and her mother walked this very beach, talking about anything and everything, and, on more than one occasion, about Kyle specifically. “Even at the church today… I kept thinking that someone was going to come in and say it had all been a mistake…” He doesn’t say anything, just waits for her to continue, and she sighs, looking down. A memory of a long-ago dream comes to her, and she smiles softly. “She used to tease me about you… about how I should bring you here in fall, when the leaves turn… she used to tell me that it was a lovely time of the year to get married…”
Her mother had teased, but Diane had dreamed of that day, of the old-fashioned stone church, the fall foliage, walking down the aisle on her father’s arm to a waiting Kyle. That daydream had got her through who knows how many hours of Dr Gage’s grunt work, and even after they’d split up, it had taken her a long time to get over it.
And until recently, and especially since she got a phone call that turned her life upside down, she really thought she had.
Then she begged Kyle to come home with her, and her sister put them in the same room, and he hasn’t left her side since, and she doesn’t know where they stand anymore.
“I know.” Kyle’s words bring her back to reality, and her jaw drops. “Oh yeah…” he says, the corners of his lips twitching. “She said it to me too.”
Diane’s cheeks burn, but she’s laughing, because it would be so like her mother to do something like that. Besides, she’d always loved Kyle. “I’ve never seen her as disappointed as she was when we broke up,” she tells him now. “She always thought we’d get back together someday.”
He tilts his head, his gaze curious, and a shiver runs the length of Diane’s spine; one, she knows, that has nothing to do with temperature. The feel of his fingers, so gentle, on her cheek is good for another shiver, as is the low tone of his voice when he whispers, “Can I tell you something?” He pauses to allow her to nod, then continues in the same tone, “I always thought that too.”
Her heart rises into her throat, pushing tears up into her eyes, and she takes a deep breath, fighting for control. He must take the gesture as something else though, because he drops his hand, and though he doesn’t move physically, she can feel him withdrawing emotionally. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I shouldn’t have…”
“No!” The word comes out a touch more hysterical than she might have liked, and she makes a conscious effort to pull herself together, closing her eyes and taking another deep breath. “It’s not that… it’s just… it’s too much right now Kyle… and I can’t… I can’t…”
Tears have never been far from the surface these past few days, and they flow again now as he gathers her into his arms, his palms reaching underneath his jacket, splaying against her back. He holds her until the worst of her sobs subside, and then he shifts so that he can look into her eyes. “I’m not going anywhere,” he promises, cupping her face in his hands before pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I want you to know that.”
Diane’s heart is too full to allow her speak, so she simply nods, closing her eyes and burying her head in his shoulder. One of his hands makes slow circles on her back while the other plays with her hair, and she allows herself to relax, finally feeling warmth spreading through her.
For the first time in a long while, she feels safe, and happy, and loved.
For the first time in a long while, she feels like she’s home.