Wishing for Phoenix

Rating: PG

Fandom: Roswell

Word Count: 372

Spoilers: Set between seasons two and three, mentions Cry Your Name and The End of the World.

Notes: For the LiveJournal Multifandom1000 Open Week, back to #9 The Road Not Taken.

 

My name is Liz Parker, and today is June 21st 2001. There are a hundred things I should be doing today, but instead, I’m sitting on my balcony, writing in this diary, and I can’t stop thinking about the road not taken.

 

I shouldn’t be here today. I should be downstairs in the CrashDown. I should have spent most of the day decorating the place, hanging balloons and streamers and a homemade banner that’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever made, but makes everyone smile anyway. There should be music, and dancing, and cake, and in the middle of it all, Alex should be there, making fun of me, making time with Isabel, making it a night to remember.

 

But Alex isn’t here. Alex will never be here again, and I can’t believe how much I miss him.

 

Not alone can I not stop thinking about that party; I can’t stop thinking about a different party, a party that I never got to go to.

 

I can’t stop thinking about my wedding night.

 

About an elopement in Las Vegas, about the wedding party in a dive of a diner outside Phoenix. About me and Max, and Michael and Maria, and Isabel and Alex, and the six of us singing and dancing and feeling like the whole world was our oyster. I can picture that night so clearly, it’s hard to believe that it never actually happened.

 

Just like it’s hard to believe how much I wish it could happen.

 

I know why we did what we did. I believed it was the right thing at the time, and I still believe that. What Max and I did… we saved the world. And that’s such an awesome thing… how can I not be happy about it? How can I not be proud of what we did?

 

I know, in my heart, that this is the way things have to be.

 

And yet I still find myself sitting here, staring up at the stars, staring at an empty chair beside me, wishing for something that I can never have.

 

And right now, given a choice between the fate of the world, and an extra fifteen years with my best friend?

 

I’d let the world burn.

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