Faith
Rating: PG, futurefic
Pairing: Danny/OFC
Feedback: Makes my day
Disclaimer: If it was in the show, it's not mine.
Archive: At my site Checkmate (http://helsinkibaby.ahkay.net)
Summary: Faith’s not about making sense. It's about believing in something and letting that belief be real enough to change your life
Notes: For the LiveJournal OC_Challenge quotes challenge.
When she walked down the hall towards her apartment, Natalie had no inkling that there was anything out of the ordinary. Nor did she feel that way when she turned her key in the lock, or even when she stepped inside, calling out Danny’s name to announce her presence. She was hanging up her coat when he called out that he was in the living room, which, with hindsight, she would realise was something different, because normally when Danny beat her home, he would meet her at the front door, a smile on his face, a kiss on his lips, and they would linger in the hallway for a long time.
But not today, and she genuinely didn’t think that it was strange at the time, just made her way towards the living room, telling him about her day, apologising for being late, that Sharon had kept her talking about a particular section of a novel, and she hadn’t realised how late she was, and traffic was murder, and she didn’t stop talking until she got to the living room and saw the sight that awaited her there.
Danny was standing there, obviously waiting for her, beside a table for two that she knew for damn sure hadn’t been there that morning. The lights were down low, Danny’s smile illuminated by candles on the table, as well as by smaller tea lights that were dotted around the room. That light did amazing things to his skin, as did the clothes that he was wearing; faded blue jeans, white shirt open at the collar, sleeves rolled up to the elbows, untucked in such a way that the smallest triangle of skin showed above the belt of his jeans. As she stared in shock, taking everything in, he reached over, lifting a single red rose from the table and taking a couple of steps towards her, the rose extended. She accepted it, his fingers warm against hers, but she didn’t speak, couldn’t speak, and he chuckled lightly.
“Natalie Masters, speechless,” he murmured, his voice teasing, with the merest hint of smugness, and it occurred to her that she really should call him on that, but she couldn’t seem to make her voice work. “Never thought I’d see the day.”
She looked at him, then at the table behind him, then ducked her head to smell the rose, closing her eyes and using it as an excuse to get her bearings. When she opened her eyes again, looked up at him, she felt a little more like herself, but she still had to clear her throat before she could speak. “Am I…” At which point, her voice failed her, and she had to clear her throat again, something that had amusement dancing through his dark eyes. Which sent a flash of stubbornness rocketing through her system, because no matter what kind of romantic spirit might have inhabited her boyfriend, she was damned if he was going to have a cast-iron excuse to tease her from now until the end of time. “Have I missed something?” she wondered, because while Danny had been known to push the boat out at birthdays and anniversaries, even some special occasions, today was just an ordinary day, didn’t fall into any of those categories. And while romance was nice, and Danny could certainly be romantic when he put his mind to it, his idea of spontaneous romance ran to the simple things – showing up at her office unannounced, sweeping her off her feet; calling her, or sending an email in the middle of the day, just to let her know that he was thinking about her; grabbing her around the waist in the middle of some household chore and dancing her around the room, just because a favourite song had come on the radio.
This, on the other hand? This spoke of something big.
“You could say that,” Danny said, tilting his head, shrugging one shoulder, and she frowned, knowing that she was missing something important, not having a clue what it was. He must have seen that, because he took pity on her. “It’s my birthday.”
“No it’s not.” She spoke without thinking, because she knew when Danny’s birthday was, and to her surprise, the smile that turned up his lips was unmistakably sad.
“Not that kind of birthday,” was all he said, and it took a second for the penny to drop.
Then it did.
“Oh.” The world faded away for a moment,
the candlelight, the table and chairs, the romance, and she was standing in a
different
That day was, without doubt, the worst day of her life, so small wonder that she’d tried so hard to forget it.
Danny’s fingers brushed her cheek, bringing her back to reality, and his smile was blurry through her tears. “I didn’t think you’d remember,” he said. “But it was nine years ago today that I woke up to find you gone… nine years since I last had a drink.”
She wanted to say something, anything, but once again, she couldn’t speak. “Danny…” she choked out, and he shook his head, cupping her face in his hands.
“Let me finish,” he said softly. “I know you know a lot of this… I know I’ve told you before… but you need to hear this Natalie… it’s important.” She nodded, and his hands dropped from her face to her shoulders. “I told you then that I would stop drinking... there were times when I even meant it. But I lied to you, Natalie… so many times. But I could never imagine my life without you in it… never thought that you’d actually leave. Not until I woke up that night. And even then, I still didn’t think you’d mean it… I thought that you’d come back. I stopped drinking that night because I wanted to be sober when you came back to me… to show you that things could be different. And even when you didn’t… I still didn’t drink. It didn’t get easier… it’s never been easier… but every time I thought about taking a drink, I thought of what would happen if you came back and found me drunk… I didn’t want that to happen.”
When he paused for breath, she took her
opportunity to speak, because there was one huge flaw in that argument. “I
wasn’t going to come back Danny,” she whispered, words that broke her heart,
because she loved him, just as much as she loved him nine years ago, if not
more, and she couldn’t imagine her life without him in it. But she’d run to her
parents’ house in
To her surprise, he nodded. “I know,” he
said, his tone matter-of-fact, his eyes pained, and she could hardly stand to
look at him. “But that didn’t matter… not to me. Because I never stopped
believing that I’d find you again someday.” He seemed to realise how that
sounded, shrugged both shoulders, gave her a lop-sided grin. “I know that
doesn’t make sense… but faith’s not about making sense. It's about believing in
something and letting that belief be real enough to change your life.”
His
hands found her cheeks again as he spoke, his eyes finding hers, and she knew
he meant every word, believed every word. Just as she knew she couldn’t look at
him anymore, had to turn away as needle-sharp guilt sliced through her. “You
had more faith in me than I had in you,” she whispered, trying to ignore that
little voice in the back of her mind, the one that insisted that she didn’t
always have faith in him now, that every time he was late home, every time he
was working on a difficult case, she was afraid that he was going to fall off
the wagon, that things were going to go back the way they were. That voice had
been constant when they’d first begun dating again, had become quieter, less
frequent with the passing of time, but she’d never managed to lose it entirely.
The
idea that for more than seven years, he’d believed that they’d be together
again some day, blew her mind.
“I
had faith in us, Natalie,” he tells her, coming around to stand in front of
her, one arm sliding around her back, the other hand going to her chin, tilting
her head up to look at him. “I still do.”
When
he put it like that, looked at her like that, there was simply nothing for her
to do but pull him towards her, bury her head in his shoulder and hold on
tight. She was dimly aware of the warmth of his hand on her back, the other
running over her hair, and the thought came to her suddenly, forcefully, that
she could quite easily stay like this forever.
Forever
didn’t last anywhere as long as she wanted, because he pulled back from her,
bringing his lips to hers in what was a surprisingly chaste kiss. “I love you,”
he told her, and she smiled, touched his cheek.
“I
love you,” she whispered, marveling, not for the first time, at how things had
changed for him, how far he’d come. “And I’m so proud of you.”
His
smile brightened, and for a second, she thought that he was going to reach for
her, pull her towards him and kiss her breathless. Instead, he stepped away, a
look on his face that she couldn’t quite place. “I want to give you something,”
he said, reaching into his shirt pocket, pulling out a small piece of plastic.
“I went to a meeting this morning… they gave me this… I want you to have it.”
Her
eyes wide, Natalie took the chip from him, studying it from every angle,
knowing what it meant to him, what it represented. In an instant, she made the
decision, took his hand in hers, dropping the chip into his palm, closing her
hands over it. “No,” she said, and he frowned. “I know what this means to you…
and I know you think that you did this for me… and maybe you did… but you
stayed sober on your own Danny… this is yours… and I want you to keep it.”
His
face was blank, and he was afraid for a second that he was going to be
offended. Then he smiled at her, removing his hand from hers, dropping the chip
back into his pocket. “I thought you might say that,” he said. “So I brought a
back-up.”
Natalie
smiled, but the smile, along with the words, “You didn’t have to…” died on her
lips when she saw what he’d taken out of his pocket.
Gold
and diamond gleamed in the dim candlelight, and suddenly she was back in that
old apartment again, standing in the doorway, looking at that very ring, lying
on the coffee table beside her note and his alcohol. That was the last time
she’d seen that ring, and she’d assumed that it was long gone, never to be seen
again.
Yet
here Danny was, holding it in his hand, offering it to her.
“Nine
years ago,” he was saying, “You gave this back to me. And there were times when
I considered selling it… but I just could never do it. I know why now.” What he
was going to do, going to say, suddenly hit her, and her eyes flew from the
ring to his face, where she saw not doubt, or hesitation, but love, and the
pure, utter conviction that this was right.
“Danny,”
she started, but he stopped her by going down on one knee.
“Natalie,
I love you,” he said. “Today, nine years ago, nine years from now… I love you.
I know what I did… to me, to us… but I swear, if you let me, I will spend the
rest of my life making you happy.” He took a deep breath, let it out slowly.
“Natalie, will you marry me?”
He’d
asked her that question once before, and she’d replied with no hesitation. This
time, she wasn’t as prompt, looking into his eyes for a long time before
replying. In that moment, she thought of everything they’d been through in the
last two years, how happy they’d been. About the little things he did to let her
know he loved her, about how she couldn’t imagine her life without him in it.
She never took her eyes off his as she nodded once, before finding voice enough
for one word.
“Yes.”
The
smile that burst over Danny’s face was brighter than the sun, and when he slid
the ring onto her finger, Natalie knew that her own smile was just as bright.
Danny pulled her into his arms, lifting her off the ground as he spun her
around, and she heard in his laughter, and hers, the echo of his words of
moments earlier.
“Faith’s not about making sense. It's about believing in something and letting that belief be
real enough to change your life.”
She
looked into his eyes and, in the split second before his lips met hers, she
knew exactly what he meant.
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