Driving with Doctor Jackson
Rating: PG
Pairing: Sam/Daniel
Feedback: Makes my day
Disclaimer: If it was in the show, it's not mine.
Archive: At my site The Band Gazebo , anywhere else, please ask.
Summary: Sam takes some downtime
Notes: For the Writer's Choice "Drive" challenge. Actually, I had the idea for this about a year ago after listening to the David Ball song Riding with Private Malone - it took this challenge to kick start me into action!
Even though it's barely early evening, once we've finished our debriefing, General Hammond orders SG1 home, and none of us are going to object; stopping Replicators once and for all is tiring work, and as far as he, and Colonel O'Neill, are concerned, we've more than earned an early mark. There might be times when I'd disagree with him, would stay on base even when ordered to leave, but this isn't one of them.
All I want to do is get out of here.
I'm in my office, straightening up a few things when Jonas appears at the door, smiling that easy smile of his. I'm somewhat surprised that he can summon up the energy to be so cheerful, but it's somewhat explained when he says that he, Teal'c and the Colonel are going out for pizza. After all, it took the Colonel a long time to accept Jonas, and they've never done the beer and pizza thing before. I know this is a momentous occasion, and I open my mouth, all ready to say yes.
When "No" comes out, I'm only mildly less shocked than he is.
He recovers quickly, smiles and says, "Maybe next time," before turning, undoubtedly going in search of the Colonel and Teal'c. That knowledge has me finishing my clean-up in record time, because I'm sure that Colonel O'Neill will be here in about five minutes, in full persuasion mode. I know all too well what that's like, and I'd probably end up agreeing purely to shut him up. He'd tell me that I need to get out, to relax, put in a little down time, and I know he's right.
That's just not the kind of downtime I need.
I feel myself relaxing the second I'm within sight of my car, relax even further once I'm behind the wheel, the purr of the engine as soothing as any lullaby. I love this car, my 1961 vintage Volvo, bought not so much second hand as fourth or fifth. I fixed it up myself over countless weekends of work, weekends that were more often than not spent with me getting filthy dirty as Daniel sat on a chair in my garage, book in his hands and an expression of supreme amusement on his face. He thought that I was out of my mind, would remind me that I could have bought a new car for the money that I was spending on this one, and when frustration got the better of me I'd threaten to throw him out, until he apologised by disappearing into the house to phone for takeout.
He thought I was out of my mind, and he didn't really understand until he drove in it.
Not that that's something that he was eager to do; Daniel always used to joke that my passengers should be furnished with rosary beads and a bottle of holy water before strapping on their seatbelt. But he insisted on taking the first drive in this with me, telling me that he'd been there through the restoration just as much as I had. I was all ready to disagree with him, because I really wanted the maiden voyage all to myself, but then he fixed me with those big blue eyes of his, and I couldn’t say no to him.
I still remember every detail of that first drive, how he clutched the armrest at first, his teeth clenched, wanting to beg me to slow down, but not quite daring. As time went on, he relaxed, and we drove for hours that Saturday afternoon, finally stopping to buy sandwiches and drinks before driving on to find a park to eat them in. I remember that it was the start of fall and the leaves were just beginning to turn, remember the riot of colours that were on display. I remember talking and laughing with Daniel, singing along to songs that were on the radio, and God knows, neither one of us are singers. But what I remember most is thinking that there was no-one else I'd rather be spending my time with.
That was the first time that we took a drive like that, but it wouldn't be the last. It ended up becoming quite a tradition for us, something we'd do on days off, or special occasions, or sometimes on days like this, after a hard mission where we just needed to unwind, get away from it all. I would drive and we would talk, or sing, or sometimes we'd just travel in silence, but it never mattered, because Daniel was there with me, and that was all I ever needed.
I don't think I realised that until it was too late.
This is the first time since Daniel left that I've taken off like this, just turned left instead of right and gone wherever the fancy took me. I think I've avoided it up to now because I was afraid that it would hurt, that it would underscore the fact that he's gone, that I'm on my own.
Instead, it's the exact opposite.
Because I'm in the car and I'm driving, and the radio is tuned to our favourite channel, and I feel like, if I looked across at the passenger seat, I'd see Daniel sitting there, smiling at me, getting ready to tease me about my driving skills, or lack thereof.
So I keep on driving, and I don't take my eyes off the road ahead, because as long as I do that, I can pretend.
And I smile, because it's exactly what I needed.