All the President’s Men
Rating: PG13
Pairing: Donna/Amy
Word Count: 1230
Feedback: Makes my day
Disclaimer: If it was in the show, it's not mine.
Archive: At my site Checkmate (http://helsinkibaby.ahkay.net) , anywhere else, please ask.
Spoilers:
Constituency
of One
Summary: … couldn’t put Amy back together again…
Notes: For the LiveJournal tww_words challenge #2, broken. I cannot stress enough how much MichelleK is to blame for this. All of it. I read her fic, then saw Commencement, how was I supposed to escape? Then she had the temerity to encourage this insanity and told me to let it see the light of LiveJournal… I was doped up on disprin and cough drops, how was I to know what I was doing?
Amy’s tough; she’s had to be to get where she is. She doesn’t take any crap from anyone, and she doesn’t compromise, doesn’t bend easily. She doesn’t break either, but today, when she goes to Josh to look for sympathy, she’s as close to broken as she’s ever been.
And when he walks away from her, ostensibly only for a moment, but doesn’t come back, she finds herself leaning against the door frame, as if its solid weight will keep her together.
She looks down the hall after him, then to Donna, who is staring at her with worry in her eyes, and Amy turns away from her, goes into Josh’s office. She knows that the one thing she cannot take now is Donna’s kindness.
Except that Donna either doesn’t know that or doesn’t care, because she calls her name. “Amy?” When Amy doesn’t reply, she follows her, leans against the doorway as Amy paces the floor. “Amy? Are you ok?”
Just as she knew it would, the concern in Donna’s voice has fissures spreading through Amy’s composure, and even to her own ears, her laugh, her voice, borders on the hysterical. “I am nowhere near ok Donna,” she says, and frowning, the other woman steps into the room, closes the door behind her.
“You want to talk about it?”
She’s got that face on, the one that Josh calls her “Someone just killed my hamster” face, and it brings out the worst in Amy. “What’s there to talk about?” she demands. “I’m standing here about to lose everything…”
“Everything?”
Another harsh laugh from Amy. “I’m pretty sure I’ve just been fired,” she says. “I think I’m about to break up with Josh, again. And I lost you a long time ago…”
Donna frowns, but Amy knows her face, knows that this time it’s from confusion and not worry. “When did you lose me?”
The question is so surprising that Amy is momentarily at a loss for words, then another bark of a laugh escapes her. “I’ve been fucking Josh since Fourth of July,” she reminds Donna, deliberately choosing the crudest language possible. “It’s hardly the kind of thing that’s going to make you want to go home with me, is it?”
“That’s really what you think?” When Donna speaks after a long pause, her voice is tinged with amazement, and she’s shaking her head from side to side. “Amy, you never lost me.” As she speaks, she moves towards Amy, who is staring at her, unable to look away, unable to believe that what she is saying is true. The look on Donna’s face is the same one she was wearing the last night they kissed, the night that Amy asked her if she was in love with Josh. The night that Donna paused before coming back over to her, looked her right in the eye, told her calmly, firmly, “No… I’m in love with you.”
Donna had kissed her, but her kiss hadn't been as firm as her words, as if she was afraid that Amy was going to push her away. She hadn’t though, not then, had let that tentative kiss, more scared than their first kiss, linger, letting herself get lost in it. They only broke apart when running feet and raised voices interrupted them, and when they heard about Zoey, everything else took second place.
They should have talked about it when the crisis had passed, Amy knew that. But the crisis didn’t end with the kidnapping, not even close, and when her world was spinning out of control, when she needed someone to hold on to, she went to Josh. Because Josh was familiar and safe. Josh wouldn’t make any demands on her. Josh wouldn’t tell her that he loved her. He wouldn’t make her heart pound, her head swim, wouldn’t have the power to break her.
Josh is everything Donna’s not, and that’s why Donna is standing here in front of her, eyes dark with wanting. Amy swallows hard, wanting to look away, unable to do so. “I went to Josh instead of you,” she says shakily. “I ran away from you…”
“I know.” Donna shrugs, then reaches out a hand, her fingers brushing softly against Amy’s cheek. “But you never lost me.”
Amy’s mouth is dry, gets even dryer when she runs her tongue along her lips in an attempt to moisten them, seeing desire blaze in Donna’s eyes as she copies the movement. “Why?” she croaks, and Donna’s voice is once more calm when she replies.
“Because…” A pause, another shrug. “I love you.” Then her lips are on Amy’s, her other hand on Amy’s hip, drawing her closer.
It takes only a moment for Amy to realise that something is different about this kiss, another to realise what it is. Every other time she’s kissed Donna, she’s the one who’s been in charge; it’s Donna who’s been hesitant, unsure. This time, Donna is unmistakeably the one in command, pulling Amy towards her, drawing together all her broken pieces and one by one putting them back together again. And when her tongue traces a path over Amy’s top lip, demanding entrance, Amy gladly surrenders, and stops thinking all together.
She loses track of time, and when they pull away, she doesn’t know how long they’ve been like that. She only knows that clothes are slightly dishevelled, that Donna’s cheeks are pink, her lips swollen, is sure that her own face bears the same characteristics, and she knows that if they don’t stop now that there is only one place that this is going to end up.
“We can’t do this here,” Donna whispers, but one hand still strokes a lazy pattern along Amy’s back, and Amy struggles to form a coherent reply.
“Yeah… that would definitely get me fired,” she agrees, and Donna chuckles, a low sexy sound that Amy didn’t realise until now how much she missed. “I should get back to my office,” she says, taking a step back, hoping to cover up how much she’d rather go somewhere else, but from the look in Donna’s eyes, she’s not having much success.
“How about I come over to your place later on?” she says, taking a step closer to Amy, one hand reaching up to cup the back of Amy’s head, threading her hair through her fingers, bringing her close for another long, slow kiss. “I can show you just how much you never lost me…” she whispers between kisses, pressing her body against Amy’s, moving her hips just the way Amy likes it, making her gasp.
The noise makes Donna pulls away, a wicked glint in her eyes, a feral grin on her lips, and Amy nods, returning the smile. “You’d better,” she manages, and after one more quick kiss, Donna steps away from her, straightens her clothes, smoothes her hair and walks out the door.
Amy copies her movements, and when she’s sure she’s presentable, walks out through the bullpen, hoping that anyone who sees her and figures out what she’s been doing will presume that it’s Josh who’s put that spring into her step. Only two people know better, know that all the king’s horses and all the President’s men, and one man in particular, couldn’t put all the broken pieces of her back together again, but that Donna could.
And later on tonight, she will.