Rating: PG
Spoilers: Everything up to The Women of Qumar
Feedback: Makes my day
Disclaimer: If it was in the show, it's not mine.
Archive: At my site The Band Gazebo (helsinkibaby.ahkay.net) Anywhere else please ask first.
Summary: Leo and Ainsley talk lawyers, testifying and Christmas.
Author's Note: Still in the calm before the storm mode…although getting more stormy…10th in the Inside the Tornado series

You know, it really is a good job that we had such a nice Thanksgiving. And it was nice. Four whole days of not having to work, not having to think about work, being able to do whatever I like.

It's surely odd that I've wanted to work in the White House since I was two, and yet I couldn't wait for that time off.

Of course, when I was two I didn't know anything about the media, partisan politics, Congressional hearings and Oliver Babish. It's not that I don't like where I work, it's not that I don't like what I do.

It's just that I really needed a break from everything.

It's been non-stop pressure ever since the President announced this past summer that he had Multiple Sclerosis, and that he was running for re-election. And while I might have been able to handle all that, the fact that I am currently engaged in a clandestine relationship with a man who is not only old enough to be my father, but who is also technically my boss, and who also is on the opposite side of the political spectrum to me, is another layer to the tapestry that is my life, and it's a tapestry that I rather feared was close to unravelling.

Not that I have any worries about Leo and me. Not as such, at any rate. I know how I feel about him, and while it's terrifying, it's also wonderful. I am crazy about this man, and the rest of the world can say what they like. However, I'm also worried about this man. As the White House Chief of Staff, as the man who was the principal architect of the Bartlet for America campaign, he's one of the people who is most on the ropes over this whole thing, and I can see the toll that it's taking on him. The last thing that he needed to have happen to him was the visit a few weeks ago from General Adamley, telling him about that mission that he flew in Vietnam. He's been having nightmares off and on since then, and he won't talk about them to me. I think that he thinks that he's sparing me if he keeps them to himself. He hasn't figured out yet that that only makes me worry more.

And as if that's not bad enough, he's going to have to face a Congressional hearing in the next few weeks. One that's going to be chaired by none other than one of my dearest friends, a man who knows all about my relationship with Leo.

I haven't told Leo about that bit.

I try to tell myself that I'm doing it for the right reasons, that there's no need to worry him about it. That he doesn't need to know because Cliff's not going to bring it up. I know Cliff, he's a good man, a fair man. My relationship with Leo doesn't fall within the scope of the hearings, and he wouldn't embarrass me or Leo by bringing it up. Therefore, there's no reason for me to tell Leo that Cliff knows about us, because several occurrences would inevitably ensue. Leo would have a fit that I told Cliff in the first place, although I didn't tell him, he guessed. Leo would then spend time feeling guilty about our fight, angry that the fight had to happen in the first place, and worst case scenario, he'd do something stupid like admit to Oliver Babish, or someone else, what's been going on, and that Cliff knows about it. Cliff would be taken off the committee, Leo would still have to testify, and he'd have to do it in front of someone who's way more partisan than Cliff could ever be. Cliff's career would have taken a severe beating, Leo would be pilloried, and I'd be forever cast as the scarlet woman who slept her way into the White House.

It's far better that Cliff and I keep this just between us. I know that. I tell myself that enough, I've gone through the arguments for and against every day, several times a day. I should know all the reasons, and most of the time I almost believe them.

Except that I hate keeping secrets from Leo. And I really hate what this is doing to my friendship with Cliff. We've hardly spoken since the night he found out, and the times we have, it's been the proverbial elephant in the room, something that we never speak about, but we both know that it's there, coming between us.

Cliff's been there for me through a hell of a lot of things in my life, and I really hope we can get through this.

I really hope that Leo and I can get through this too.

I wander listlessly around my living room, and the only thing that I can think of is that I'd feel much better if Leo were here, if I could talk to him. We've taken to spending most of our nights here instead of his place, and there are little reminders of him all around the place. The most obvious is the book on the coffee table, and it's not a briefing book or some hefty political tome. No, the illustrious White House Chief of Staff is currently ploughing his way through Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Which is all my fault of course, because I made the mistake of telling him what I was getting my niece and nephews for Christmas. He, of course, didn't know who Harry Potter was, so I took it upon myself to educate him by giving him the first book to read on Thanksgiving afternoon. Plus, it kept him out of my kitchen, which is always a bonus. I didn't expect for him to read through it as quickly as he did, or enjoy it so much, so much so that he had the second one started the day after Thanksgiving, and was nearly finished it that night when I was ready to head to bed.

I knew he was well and truly converted, and not just being polite, when I was trying to seduce him and he told me that he wanted to finish the book.

I didn't know whether to laugh or hit him. Hard.

I took my revenge by threatening to tell him the ending of the next two books, and I think he's still living in fear that I'll do that.

I pick up the book, flicking through the pages, finding one of my favourite bits, the part about the Quidditch World Cup, and I'm lost in that when I hear the key in the door and I look up to see him there. "Hey," I say, keeping a close eye on him as he puts his case down and hangs up his coat. He looks tired, tired and worried I might add, and that's not something that surprises me.

"Hey." He hardly has the energy to get the words out, and he has to drag himself over to the couch. When he sees what I'm reading, the edges of his mouth turn upwards in a small smile. "I hope you haven't lost my place."

"Just flicking through it," I promise as he drops down beside me, letting his head fall back against the back of the couch, closing his eyes. I put the book aside and stretch out my hand, fingering his hair gently. His mouth relaxes even further under my touch, and I can almost see the tension start to leave his body. "You want me to get you something?" I ask.

"Nah." He doesn't move, doesn't open his eyes. "Just this."

My stomach does a slow somersault, which on a normal night like this would be classed under the heading "A Good Thing". However, tonight, it's anything but. "Rough day?" I ask gently, knowing before he speaks what the answer will be.

"CJ's still pissed over the Qumar thing." Which I don't really blame her for. I know that we need the base in question to refuel. I know that we should respect each country's culture, and embrace the differences. I know both those things, but the thought of living life as a woman under those circumstances fills me with a horror that I can't begin to describe, and one that Leo could never fully understand, even if I could. CJ's been doing a masterful job of hiding her feelings from the eyes of the world, but not from Leo, not from the rest of the Senior Staff. And hearing about the whole affair, seeing her through Leo's eyes, I can see the toll that it's taken on her.

"And there's still no word on the tests from Nebraska," he adds. Which is just another thing for him to worry about; the possibility of Mad Cow Disease hitting our nation.

"They said it'd be another twenty-four hours, didn't they?" I ask him, sure that that's what he told me two nights ago.

"Yeah. There doesn't seem to be too much panic yet, which is good. We're just hoping…" His voice trails off, and his eyes are still closed, head tilted back on the couch. Those two things that he just mentioned are enough to make a bad day for anyone, but I know Leo. I know that there's something else that he's not telling me about. I can tell by the stiffness that's still in his body, the tension that he's holding there. I can tell by the way he's not looking at me, the way he's not touching me.

And of course, I do have some inside information.

"You had a full day," I find myself saying, and there must be something in my voice that gives me away because his eyes open slowly. He stares up at the ceiling for a moment, then turns his head to look at me. Our eyes meet and hold, and I see the realisation flash through him.

"You know." It's not a question, and I find myself nodding.

"Mr Babish told some of the deputies today," I admit, recalling the summons that had come to some of them, seeing their pale faces when they came out of his office. Reality had come crashing through in the shape of a calendar marked in red, and while everyone knew it was coming, it was, nonetheless, a shock.

He sighs, then reaches out and takes one of my hands in both of his. My other hand is still around the back of the couch, and I slip it down now, so that I'm cupping the back of his neck. "I wanted to tell you," he says softly. "I was so close to picking up the phone…"

"I wish you had…" I whisper.

"I just wanted to hear your voice," he continues, as if I hadn't spoken. "And then I realised that hearing your voice wouldn't be enough…that if I told you, I'd want to hold you…want you to hold me…"

I take the hint, pressing closer to him on the couch, squeezing his hand. "It's going to be ok Leo."

I’m not sure if I'm trying to convince him or me, but he smiles briefly. "You know the details?"

I shrug. "Some." I'm not being coy, I only know the bare bones of the fact. "What was the reaction like?"

"I'm the first of the Senior Staff to be called for questioning," he tells me. "Not that it's a big surprise that they start with me; I did build this damn wagon after all. And the reaction was just what you'd expect. That it's all going to be fine, that we've nothing to hide, that we didn't do anything wrong."

"You didn't do anything wrong," I point out to him, and he chuckles slightly, a bitter sound. I frown, because I've never heard that noise from him before, but just as quickly as it came, it's gone again, and I'm left wondering if I imagined it.

"Sometimes, wrongdoing doesn’t matter," he tells me. "Sometimes, it's all about making people look bad. And let's face it, there's plenty of ammunition for them to draw on."

I shift slightly in my place. "For what it's worth Leo, and I know you don't believe me on this. But Cliff's a good man. He's not going to trap you."

He takes a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling. Then he looks down at the floor, then off to the side. He doesn't speak for a long moment, and my stomach is churning by the time he speaks again. "I hope you're right Ainsley. For your sake. And for my sake. But Cliff your friend and Cliff the Majority Counsel aren't necessarily the same guy."

I look down at our hands, joined together on his lap, mine slipping so comfortably, so easily, in between both of his. The image blurs as tears fill my eyes, and I take a second to pull myself back together again. I'm not going to fall apart in front of him; nor am I going to have this fight with him again.

"You contacted your lawyer?" Like the rest of the Senior Staff, Leo put a lawyer on retainer right after the announcement, knowing that this day would come. His lawyer is Jordan Kendall, a woman who I don't know personally, but whose reputation precedes her. She's one of the best lawyers in the city, and I know that Leo's in good hands with her. I would say that he's lucky to have her on his side were it not for the fact that she probably jumped at having a case this high profile.

"Yeah. She's coming in tomorrow for a meeting." The tone of his voice shows me just how enthusiastic Leo is at that thought - he sounds as if emergency root canal would be preferable. And maybe it would.

"She's a good lawyer Leo."

"Six hundred and fifty dollars an hour, I would hope so," Leo grumbles, but I know that it's not the money that concerns him. It's the same thought that had the White House Counsels stumbling out of Oliver Babish's office pale faced and glassy eyed. It's one thing to think about this if it's on the long finger. When it's in the next couple of weeks, it's much much scarier. Hell, I'm scared for him and I'm only a bystander.

"When are you being questioned?" I ask, but again, I already know the answer. The benefits of working the White House Counsel's Office.

"December 23^rd," he tells me simply, and I nod. "You'll be home by then, won't you?" he asks, and my head snaps up at those words. That was the plan, yes, that I would be going home for Christmas this year. Much as I would like to spend it with Leo, there's a higher power at work here, and my father has ordered me home for a family Christmas. My sister is coming with her two kids and her husband, and since I didn't come home last year at all - in fact, they had Christmas at Nat's house in South Carolina - Daddy really wants me home this year. I was reluctant at first, wanting to spend the holidays with Leo, but he told me that he'd have to spend time with Mallory and with the First Family, and that he didn't mind if I left town. He'd rather have me with him, he quickly added, but he understood that I had other people in my life, before he gave me ample evidence that he would miss me if I went away. I even had it worked out, albeit tentatively, with work, that I could leave a few days before Christmas, so that I could arrive with the rest of the family, who were coming as soon as the kids got out of school. We had it all planned out.

But now? He expects me to stick to our plans now?

I shake my head. "I want to be here Leo. I thought you'd know that."

My words cause him to shake his head. "I don't want to ruin your holidays."

"You think that I'd enjoy my family Christmas, knowing that you're being questioned in Washington? You think that I wouldn't watch it at home, in my Republican house, and wish that I could be here with you?" I'm sitting up straight by the time I finish, pulling away from him slightly, amazed that he would think such a thing.

"Ainsley," he tries again. "You know that you can't be at the hearing with me."

"I know that Leo. But I can be here for you. To support you. To listen to you when it's all over." I take my hand out from between his, moving it up to cup his cheek. "I don't want you here alone after that Leo. And maybe I'm selfish, but I don't want to be alone after that either."

"You have your family…"

"You're my family too," I interrupt, and tears come into his eyes from that one simple sentence. "Don't you know by now how important you are to me? I can't leave you when you need me Leo. Please don't make me."

"What about your holiday plans?" His voice is a ragged whisper, but I can tell that he's coming around to the idea. He's changed his stance slightly so that he's facing me, and one of his hands has moved over to my hip and is resting there lightly.

"I can tell Daddy that I can't get time off work," I shrug. "It's not a totally unreasonable scenario. And I can get a flight early on Christmas Eve. I'll still be there for most of the day. They'll understand." I make a mental note to call Daddy and Nat and tell them some time when Leo's not around to hear me, just in case. Because frankly, Daddy could threaten to disavow, disinherit and disembowel me for coming home later than promised, and I'd take my chances.

Leo is going to need me. I am going to need Leo. The rest of the world can, quite frankly, take a hike.

He shakes his head again, slipping his arms around me and pulling me to him. I go gladly, my arms around his neck. One of his hands cups the back of my head, the other moves up and down my back, and I feel him whisper into my shoulder, "What did I do to deserve you?"

There's no reply that I can make to that, because he didn't do anything to deserve me. He didn't even have to do anything to make me fall in love with him. I always thought that it was about thunderbolts and sweaty palms, meeting someone and being knocked off your feet by them. That's what it felt like with Simon the Jackass; a dizzying roller-coaster ride from elation to devastation, and every emotion in between. I never realised that it could be like this; a slow journey from friendship to something else. A grand passion yes, but one that's rooted in contentment, in calm and utter trust. I never realised that you could literally fall in love with your best friend. He doesn't have to be anything else for me, doesn’t have to do anything special. He just has to be Leo, this wonderful, kind, sweet, honest man. This man who puts my own needs in front of his, this man who worries about me, who cares for me, who would never lie to me.

The question isn't what did he do to deserve me. It's what did I do to deserve him.

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