Rating: PG
Pairing: Implied Ellie/Wesley
Disclaimer: Not mine, just playing.
Archive: At my site, The Band Gazebo
Summary: Zoey knows that something's wrong with Ellie.
Author's Note: Takes place in the same universe as my other Wes/Ellie stories, all of which can be found at my site.

There's something wrong with Ellie.

Zoey's not sure what it is, and she doesn't know why anyone hasn't noticed it before, though it could be something to do with the fact that Ellie has the reputation of being "The Difficult One", not to mention the fact that everyone's caught up in the fact that Congressional Hearings have just begun, that Leo testified yesterday and will have to go back in the New Year. Her father is preoccupied with that, and other matters of government. Her mother is worried about her father, not to mention the fact that she's under investigation herself, and could lose her medical license. Liz is a mother of two, caught up in the preparations for Christmas, and the logistical implications of transplanting her family to Manchester for a Bartlet family Christmas.

All of which means that no-one but Zoey has noticed Ellie's strange mood.

Hell, she probably wouldn't have noticed it either, were it not for the fact that she's spent the last four months in France, communicating with her via letters and phone calls. Maybe the distance makes it easier for her see that while Ellie appears to be entering fully into the Christmas spirit, the smile on her face rarely reaches her eyes; not only that, but it disappears when she thinks she's not on show, when she thinks that no-one is looking at her. She's quieter too, even quieter than Zoey's ever seen her, and it’s not just when their father is in the room, like it normally is.

She thought it was her imagination at first, but she's been studying Ellie closely since they both arrived a few days ago, and she knows, without knowing how, that something is very wrong.

That's what brings her to Ellie's bedroom door, makes her knock on it softly, waiting for the "Come in" that's sure to follow.

It's a long time coming though, and when it does, she's sure that she can hear a hitch in her sister's voice.

Marshalling her courage, she slips in the door, seeing Ellie at the far side of the room. She's curled up in a chair, comforter over her knees, facing away from the door so that she can see out the big bay window. Zoey can see the blanket of white snow on the ground, broken up by bare trees and the bundled up figure of Secret Service agents going about their business, and she doesn't have to think hard to imagine how cold it is out there. It's going to be perfect weather for the annual Bartlet Christmas day snowball fight, and she wants to say as much to Ellie now. But when her sister turns to look at her, and she sees the red tinge of her eyes, all thoughts of Christmas merriment flee from Zoey's mind.

"You ok Ell?" she asks, walking over to her, treading carefully in more ways than one, and Ellie gives her a sheepish grin, which she thinks is meant to reassure her, but does nothing of the sort. Ellie also holds up her book, exposing the dust jacket to Zoey's eyes, and that's when she knows things must be serious. "Anne of the Island?" She knows that Ellie only breaks out the L.M. Montgomery as comfort reading, but Ellie doesn't comment on that.

"Yeah…Anne's just turned down Gil's proposal." She says it as if there's nothing wrong with a grown woman crying over a children's book, and Zoey sinks down on the floor beside her chair, trying a smile herself.

"Haven't you read that like, a gazillion times?" Her tone is teasing, and by rights Ellie should tease right back. Instead though, her gaze seems to slide off Zoey and to the fields beyond the window again.

"At least," she murmurs quietly, so quietly that Zoey can barely hear her, and she can feel the last strand of her patience give way.

"What's wrong Ellie?" she asks, her tone pleading, and she knows that her instincts are right when Ellie's head whips around sharply, staring at her with more pain in her eyes than Zoey's ever seen. L.M. Montgomery falls limply to her lap, and she tries to recover, but it's too late, and they both know it.

She still tries though. "What makes you think something's wrong?" she parries, and Zoey laughs gently, without humour.

"I know you Ell," she tells her. Because they'd become close on the first campaign, in spite of the distances between them. Liz had even then been busy with her husband, her career, her kids, leaving them as the two daughters who had to balance school and friends and the sudden media onslaught. No-one else had understood what they'd been going through, and they'd turned to one another, long phone calls turning into bitch sessions enabling sisterly bonding. "Can't you talk to me about it?"

There's a long pause, and when Ellie finally speaks, she doesn't answer the question. Instead, she has one of her own. "Don't you ever get sick of it?" she wants to know, and she's not looking at Zoey. "Being the President's daughter?"

Zoey thinks for a moment about the answer, but she doesn't have to think too long. She can be honest with Ellie, because she knows she understands. "Sometimes." A thousand images flash through her mind, making her almost dizzy. "We're followed everywhere… my grades are published in the paper, there's speculation about our love lives…" And her one serious relationship to date nearly got her father and Josh killed, but she doesn't want to think about that now. Especially not when she sees the flash of pain on Ellie's profile, and she thinks she might be getting close to the truth. "There are times I wish things were different," she admits, honest to the last.

There's what can only be described as a bitter laugh from Ellie, and it cuts right through Zoey's heart. "I wish that all the time," she says, and she looks at Zoey when she says it. She's not sure whether it's the tone Ellie uses or the look in her eyes when she speaks, but Zoey knows her surprise must show on her face, because Ellie quickly adds, "I mean, it's not that I'm not proud of Dad, because I am, but sometimes…"

"Sometimes it sucks." Zoey cuts her off, because the last thing she wants is for Ellie to feel besieged.

There's another long silence, during which Ellie's gaze returns to the window. "There are times when I hate it… really hate it," she says finally. "Being known as daughter of…not just Ellie. Do you ever feel like that?"

Zoey nods, but Ellie still doesn't look around. "I think that's why I like France so much." She's thinking out loud, never having put this into words before. "There's not so much of the wow factor there…more anonymity. You should come over sometime." The idea isn't without appeal, and she can't think why she's never suggested it to Ellie before. "We can do the tourist thing during the day, party at night…fix you up with some cute Frenchman…"

She's teasing again, but to her absolute horror, tears spring to Ellie's eyes. "We can do that," she says, but her heart is nowhere near to being in it, and helpless, Zoey kneels up, laying her hand on her sister's knee.

"Is this about that guy?" she guesses. "The one that Mom and Dad didn't like?" That's the only guy that she's heard tell of in Ellie's life, so it's not an unreasonable guess, but Ellie shakes her head.

"No…Tony and I were nothing serious." She shrugs her shoulders, attempting a smile. "He was just someone I dated…" Her voice trails off, and Zoey's instinct leaps to fill the gap.

"While you were waiting for the real object of your affection to come along?" she guesses, and she knows she's right when Ellie bites her bottom lip, more tears coming to her eyes. As Zoey watches, one falls free, creeping down her cheek, and she grips Ellie's hand tightly. "Talk to me Ell," she begs.

Ellie looks down at her, then up at the ceiling before taking a deep, shuddering, breath. "There was this guy," she says finally, her voice barely louder than a whisper. "He was… God, Zoey, he was everything you could want. Smart and funny and caring… and he made me laugh…" Zoey leans forward, entranced, because she's never heard Ellie sound so smitten before; usually it's her expounding about the latest man in her life as Ellie listens. "I think I was in love with him," she admits. "But it didn't matter…because nothing could ever happen between us."

Zoey frowns, because Ellie's never been one to take no for an answer. "Why not?"

Ellie shakes her head quickly, reaching up to brush away a tear. "It doesn't matter Zo-… it just couldn't work out."

She's very definite about it, and Zoey's mind once again makes the obvious connection. "Was he married?" she asks, and Ellie smiles, a small, sad smile.

"Something like that," she says, but it's said in a way that makes Zoey think it was nothing like that at all. Still, she knows Ellie, and she won't say anything if she doesn't want to.

"What happened between you two?" Zoey asks, because she doesn't think that Ellie would be this upset over an unrequited love. "I mean, did he feel the same?"

Ellie draws in another deep breath, and when she looks down at Zoey, this time her gaze is fierce. "You can't tell anyone this Zoey…you have to swear, nobody."

Zoey's slightly taken aback by her intensity, but she nods. "I promise."

Ellie holds her gaze for a long moment before nodding, satisfied. "We didn't… I mean, you can hardly call it dating. A few stolen moments here and there… nothing that you could call a relationship. Apart from one night…" Here, tears begin streaming down her face, and Zoey reaches up, closing both her hands over one of Ellie's, both of which are clenched into fists, her knuckles chalk white.

"Ellie…" she whispers, a cold hand reaching in and squeezing her heart, and Ellie's not looking at her again, which, in a strange way, she's almost grateful for. If she had that expression of pain and grief turned on her full force, she's sure she'd be crying too.

"I got pregnant Zoey." She knew it was coming, but to hear the words from her big sister's lips breaks her heart, and her own breath catches. "And I had an abortion… a couple of weeks ago…" Zoey's hands clutch hers tighter, and the motion breaks through whatever Ellie's remembering, making her look at Zoey. She must think that Zoey's angry at her, because she starts speaking quickly, too quickly Zoey knows, hearing the barest hint of hysteria simmering underneath the surface. "I had to do it Zoey… I didn't have a choice…you know what they're doing to Dad, the stuff they're saying about him… can you imagine what they'd say about that? I reached out at the hospital, they did it quietly, no-one's going to find out…" Her voice falters, and when she speaks again, she sounds almost childlike. "I had no choice Zoey."

"It's ok…it's ok…" Zoey stands, her arm going around Ellie's shoulder, and Ellie leans into her, closing her eyes. Zoey thought she might begin to cry in earnest, but she doesn't, though Zoey's afraid that she's going to bite right through her bottom lip. "What did the guy say?" She wonders who it is, if he knows what this is doing to Ellie, and she knows that she'll kill him if she ever gets her hands on him, but her homicidal fancies are cut short by Ellie shaking her head.

"I didn't tell him…"

Zoey's jaw sets firm. "Because you knew he wouldn't be there."

Ellie's response surprises her. "No," she whispers. "Because I knew he would." Zoey frowns, wanting to question her further, but Ellie's shoulders begin to shake at those words, and a sob escapes her. "It would have ruined both our lives," she says, looking up at Zoey with tears streaming down her face, and Zoey's not sure who she's trying to convince. "I had to do it…"

That's as far as she gets before she breaks down into gut-wrenching sobs, tears borne of pure sympathy coming to Zoey's as she pulls her into a hug, telling her that it's ok, that everything's going to be all right, not sure if she's telling the truth or not. The only thing that she can be sure of is that she'll keep Ellie's secret, be there for her as much as she can if she wants to talk, or to cry like this.

After all, that's what sisters are for.